it has been a year. a year since i made the decision to put my foot forward in the direction of control; of clarity; and most importantly of putting myself first.
humor. i was visiting nyc exactly one year ago today for a project. a break in time from a 12 week travel-fest, curtesy of the company i worked for at the time. i had just landed back in los angeles the day prior from a 7 day journey in australia, which was unfortunately not as relaxing as i had hoped; and a proceeded by a handful of trips to new york for projects slotted in-between my front end web class that was held twice a week; this 'unwinding' was followed by an incredibly draining excursion though eastern and western europe; culminating with a conference in an industry that i could barely find the means to care about.
exhaustion. a regular in my pre-configured program. it was normal for me to feel worn down and just following the motions of everyone else's oceans. a groove and format i learned so so well. so much of my 'success' was derived from putting others and their egocentric needs first.
altruism. i ask myself regularly where this 'trait' that i carried so close to my inner being was derived. a fear of conformity was my nature in my youth; but somewhere the need to please and take care overrode my desires to self-promote and grow.
strides. making moves; taking chances; and being in the uncomfortable were my fears. i would be constantly triggered by the mere chance that my actions upset others. i desperately needed to break the algorithm that was so deeply engrained.
rest. a place where clarity enters. a sacred knowing of being mindful. it feels so special to have had that opportunity; that moment of time and clarity; and to have invested it all back into my bank of creation.
writing is one of many expressions. it is here in this medium that i met myself and found my voice. it was the challenge that i least wanted to take; but the rocket took off the dock. a year ago i planted the seeds in the garden of this wonderful city and i am back to reap the rewards and follow my dreams.
x.